Blood Tears
by shinigami no baka
Summary: Dark emotions arises from different characters of Weiß Kreuz in the aftermath of Aya-kun's ultimate suicide.
1. falling

  
" You're breaking up with me? " yelled Schuldich, blazing green eyes directed toward haunting purple eyes. The haunting purple eyes closed and blinked. " Yes," replied a broken husky voice. The sounds of a door slamming reached his ears. His green-eyed beauty was gone. He got up from the table, picking up the broken pieces of china, eyes glazed. He didn't even notice that he had pricked himself, looking listlessly outside at the thunder that lit up the otherwise dark, cold, morbid room. Ruby drops dripped off his pale skin.  
  
Dumping the pieces into the trash, he headed for his room. Preparing for the long sleep ahead, all alone on the bed that they had bought together. For the last time, he collapsed onto the black satin bed sheets. Beside a black box that he had stolen from Omi the night before, while the young boy was getting some tea for him. He had snuck into the bedroom and retrieved the small box, where he knew what he wanted was there.   
  
All he had to do was take the first step.  
  
And it'll all be over.  
  
He reached for the box. He sat up, placing the box in his lap. Opening it, little flasks greeted his eyes. He reached for a plastic packaged on his night table, knocking over a porcelain figurine. It didn't matter. Not in a few moments anyway.  
  
He unwrapped the needle from the package.   
  
Inserted the needle into the tiny flask, drew up the liquid.  
  
Gently getting rid of the air bubbles.  
  
And then rolled up his arm sleeves.  
  
The hundred of neat straight scars, slightly darker then his own skin greeted him yet again. That brought him back to those fateful nights after he had come home. After dipping his katana yet again into another victim. True, they deserved it. It was why Abyssinian existed. It was why, night after night, he hunted. Those who had done wrong, were quickly justified. But wasn't he guilty as well? He had taken lives. But he was a hunter. Hunter shouldn't have feelings. They hunt. No questions asked. And yet...   
  
He was afraid. Yes, he admitted he was afraid. For every life he took, he began to feel less and less. He was scared of that feeling. But he had to do it. It's for his sister. He failed her. He will not fail again. He will keep her safe.  
  
So one night, after one of his missions, as he was brushing his teeth before crashing onto his bed, he spied a razor blade left on the counter. He rinsed and paused with one hand reaching toward the door, his gaze never leaving that blade. He slowly pivoted, with a trembling hand, slowly grasped the razor blade. He rolled up his sleeve, and made that first tiny cut. Blood oozed from the small wound. And inside, he felt better. For he couldn't stand not feeling. He couldn't stand being Abysinnian. He harbored a deep hatred for himself. And he wanted it to just stop.  
  
It was addictive. Like taking a drug. It just made him feel better inside. And from the small incisions, he started making bigger ones. But soon, even that didn't help anymore.   
  
His friends didn't suspect a thing. He always wore long sleeves and always got rid of any evidence of his addiction. Both of his arms were littered with scars. They crisscrossed each other in a bizarre manner.  
  
He couldn't stand it anymore. He didn't want to take drugs. That would upset his performance as an assassin and then his friends would suspect. He didn't want that. So here he was. Sitting in that lonely room. Lying on his bed. Alone. Even going as far as to breaking up with Schuldich. His love for him was infinite. But he didn't want to drag him down with him. Schuldich deserved better.   
  
This was it. He's going to do it.  
  
He brought up the needle to his arm.   
  
Inserted the needle into a vein and injected.  
  
And a man who really was just a scared little boy, died.  
  



	2. human abyss

I hate you.  
  
I hate you so damn much.  
  
Then why the hell if I hate you so much, I can't stand the thought of you not being here anymore?  
  
You damn bastard.  
  
I hate you.  
  
********  
  
They discovered his body today. They estimated he must've died the night before, judging from his body temperature.  
  
Is that why you made me leave? So you could die in peace?  
  
Oh god. That's why you broke up with me. So I wouldn't grieve? So I can go on with my life. I loved you! I still do.  
  
You know that kid, Omi? When they found that black box next to your body, they knew you died of an injection from those tiny flasks. But then, the syringe lying next to your fucking body was pretty obvious. The poor kid just turned lily white and slumped onto the floor. He was heaving sobs. They had to drag him out of there.  
  
I wasn't there. I was over at Crawford's. Bitching about you. Then I broke down and cried. Inside, I knew we belong together. Two of a kind. You know that.  
  
You have friends! You still have a sister! She may not know you're alive, but she does need you. She loves you! When you would've waken up from the bullshit about how you should keep your distance away from each other, I would've been the first one there to drag you to see Aya-chan.  
  
I need you!  
  
You left me here to deal with the world alone.  
  
You left me. You promised!  
  
You PROMISED!  
  
And here you are. Lying on that slab of steel. Perfect and beautiful even in death. That creamy porcelain skin, that night after night I felt under my hands, my body, my lips. That fire red hair, as angry as your infamous temper. All those fine features that made you.  
  
Why didn't I see it coming? I'm a damn telepath! I should've read the signs. How for the past month we never made love to one another. How you even refused to take showers or baths with me. It was to hide the scars. Those damn scars.  
  
We were going to move in together. It was just going to be you and me. Fuck Crawford. Do you know what your death is doing to me?  
  
You are so damn selfish. You left us all feeling guilty. I was your lover, your friend. They were your family. Youji is out in some bar, drinking himself to death. Ken has disappeared somewhere. I think he must've gone to some café. To hide the ugly truth from his kind heart. Probably drinking that tea you like. What was it, black berry tea? Yes, that's it. I remember that. You never did like drinking coffee. So you stuck to tea. Your apartment has a whole stash of them. And not just any tea would do for you. It had to be special. You didn't like the supermarket kind. You had to go to a store that specializes in teas. It was one of your funny quirks.  
  
I loved you.  
  
Omi is holed up in his room. He hasn't left it since they came back from finding your body. I think of all of us, he feels the guiltiest. It was his poison that killed you. You stole it from him, while he wasn't watching. He even knew the exact date and time you stole it. That day you went to visit him. You sneaked it away from him. And he didn't even notice.  
  
I don't blame him. Not a bit.  
  
I blame you.  
  
What gave you the right to just disconnect from all of us, push us away from your lives and just go and kill yourself? You had so much to live for! Aya is going to graduate soon. Even if you didn't want to reveal yourself, you pig-headed bastard, you would've gone to the ceremony anyway. To see her in those cursed shadows you always hid yourself in so well. All those things you shouldn't have missed. You won't see her graduate. Going up those stairs to the stage and receiving her diploma.  
  
You never even wrote a letter explaining why you did it.  
  
I want to know why.  
  
You knew what you were doing.  
  
Youji tore up your apartment after they removed you in a body bag. We found a whole legion of sleeping pills. Only one of the bottles was open. A few pills were missing. I presume you must've taken them. And then there were packages. The packages of drugs that scalded each and every pair of eyes that it greeted. The abrupt truth that they were met with, that burning sinking feeling. And each and every one was opened. Youji figured you must've taken them after they assassinated some drug dealer from his stash.  
  
You were fucking stoned, lover.  
  
I want to know why.  
  
********  
  
I'm screaming inside, Aya-kun.  
  
Of all the boys, you pick me to be the most innocent. I was the most naïve. Don't you see? I've already earned my colors when I made my first kill. I spilled my first blood when I was thirteen.  
  
I'm seventeen, Ay- no, Ran. It's Ran Fujiyama. You took your sister's name when you swore to take revenge on those who had killed your parents and your sister. You gave back her name when we knew that she had woken up.  
  
I'm grown up. I don't need everyone trying to hide me from the truth. Why didn't you tell me you were hurting so badly, Ran-kun? We could've sat down.  
  
We defeated the bad guys. We didn't die.  
  
And then we hid ourselves.  
  
That killed you, didn't it? Always looking from the outside. Never again hug your sister, give her a kiss good morning on the cheek, growl at her dates.  
  
Why?  
  
That incessant question has been plaguing my mind for the past few crazy days. I miss you. Who is going to stop Youji-kun from flirting all the time and not doing an ounce of work? Who's going to fight off the hordes of fan- girls who litter our shop everyday?  
  
Who will I have to quietly nurture the flowers with in the wee hours of the morning?  
  
You left everyone.  
  
You left ME.  
  
Everyone I love dies.  
  
Leaving me all alone here to suffer in the darkness by myself.  
  
It hurts, Ran-kun.  
  
********  
  
You were being quite selfish, old friend. Even when we did have the liberty to do what you wanted to do, you held yourself back.  
  
Live a little, you old fool! Don't waste the precious time you have with your sister, like I did with my Asuka. I wasted it, didn't even tell her I loved her and she died…  
  
Life is like a bottle of brandy. You open it and you chug it. It goes down hard and fast, burning trails down your throat with liquid fire. Then you just float…  
  
I'm floating away…  
  
And there's no one to stop me.  
  
Not even you, you asshole. You know I always despised you right? Whoever knew that you would be the one to cross enemy lines and sleep with the enemy? The things you learn in being part of Weiß… I love every bit of it. I love you man!  
  
Lucky bastard. Schuldich is one sexy…  
  
Eh, well, I understand… why you would want to fuck him. He has a fuck-able ass, doesn't he? You must've loved all that sex with him. Whoo!  
  
Ah, fuck you and your own problems… You're DEAD! Ain't gonna bother me now.  
  
Now, I'm going to get myself pissing drunk. Not that I'm not already…  
  
Baby, I'm just getting started. Another round of shots, please!  
  
********  
  
I'm sitting here in this quiet shop, just thinking with a cup of tea in my hand. Nothing else disturbs my thoughts as patrons read or sip their beverage quietly. I'm allowed to contain my anger and rage all I want at you.  
  
Do you know how much you left behind?  
  
Regardless of my own doubts about your relationship with Schuldich, I made it clear that I will stand by you, both Omi and I did, and we'd be there for you no matter what. A shoulder to cry on… Or just having someone to talk to.  
  
We swore. Because we were FRIENDS.  
  
Does that word have any meaning to you?  
  
I hope you're happy.  
  
You escaped alright. And in your wake you left us to suffer and grieve after you. To lead desolate lives.  
  
Damn it, Ran! Why didn't you tell us?  
  
Why didn't you tell me? WHY?  
  
I stomp out the door, any intention of doing this quietly and inwardly lost to the wind.  
  
Hate clouds my mind.  
  
I hate you.  
  
********  
  
I'm falling even worse now  
  
And you can't even see  
  
Drowning in despair  
  
I watch you as you dive  
  
Deep into the murky waters  
  
Screaming for release  
  
You're escaping, aren't you?  
  
I reach out a hand to pull you up  
  
To SAVE you  
  
You blow me a kiss  
  
So devoid of emotion  
  
Cold as a winter's breath upon my cheek  
  
And deeper you go  
  
To escape me  
  
THE END  
  
****************************************  
  
A/N: I finally finished. Arigato! The views are done by different characters of Weiß Kreuz, I hope they do them justice ( WARNING: Youji is drunk, just to make that clear * ducks the bottles and rotten tomatoes thrown by Youji fans). Once again, do be kind and leave me a review! Ja ne! 


End file.
